First Draft and Final Salute

oOk, I should clear this up.  Using one of these as and outlet isn't my cup of tea.  The usual recipient of my violent keystrokes is a decrepit typewriter from a late seventies JC Penny after christmas sale.  The little bastard is my best friend, but I'm ready to kill it.  As soon as I get back with a replacement.  In fact, I think I may have just broken it.  Fucking thing jams every ten seconds, throwing inconsiderately placed gaps all over the page, ruining the flow of anything it pumps out.  To make this more fun, there's no concievable way to maintain steady margins with it's hit and miss break detection, while the little ding i love so much at the end of a good machine gun burst of type comes and goes on it's own volition regardless to the carriage position, leaving massive clumps at the end of some lines, while others nearly connotate a new paragraph. 
I suppose all of this could be remedied by lowering the pace of type, drinking less while typing, and taking off the blindfold I always use, but fuck that, I've found a simpler, though more expensive remedy.  Im going to hollywood to buy a new IBM selectric for 50 bucks.  These are common self-correcting models that can be found in almost any major city center for free, but this one is different.  Jet black, angry looking, and brand new, this little fucker will certainly do the trick.  Listen for the sound of dynamite and gunfire upon my return home, that old JC Penny Model is going sky high as soon as it's replacement is turned over to the right hands.